Monday, June 20, 2011

Blurred Vision

© Copyright, Mara Dizon Images, 2011
Yes, I do need reading glasses now. I don't exactly remember when it first began but my vision started to become blurry. I do remember the first time I acknowledged the problem ---it was at church, during the morning service. At first, I was looking at our Pastor at the pulpit and listening to the preaching, then I had to look down to read the Bible verse we were studying that morning, the next thing I knew, I can't even see a word from the page! Not even a letter! That was the time I admitted that I do need to get me some reading glasses, quick. But my eyesight, except when I'm reading, is still great. I can still see people's faces, road signs, the computer and the TV screens clearly with no help at all. My vision is still better than good. I only need glasses for reading, that's it!

See what I just did right there? Excuses, excuses, excuses! Vanity makes me point out the good aspects of my eyes and my vision instead of focusing on the problem. I can't readily admit my eyesight is now slowly failing. It might be a slow decline but I can't deny the fact that my eyes are not the same anymore since I was a teenager or even since when I was in my twenties. Age has a way of sneaking up on us like that.

I am surrounded by women who are older than I am. At the office, my co-workers and my friends mostly are in their mid-fifties. When I first met them, they were only almost fifty. And everyday, for the past 2 to 3 years, I see and hear firsthand all the changes they go through ---physically, mentally, and emotionally. I tease them that they are living my future for me so I don't have to. The aches and pains are so "rampant" it seems like it's contagious! The hot flashes, have you heard of those? They're the worst, I'm told. The energy and strength to do physical activities with friends and families..... wait, they say, what energy?! Yes, these are the things I witness with my own eyes and ears, and to tell you the truth, I'm not too keen on getting older now.

"Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth." -Psalms 71:9
Then God showed me that we are not alone in this "process." Everyone goes through aging. Even among the best of the lot in the Bible, they all cried out to God to help them in their frailty. Although I'm still not too keen on getting old yet God has given me His promises from His Word on this issue. He assures me that He is and will be the same even in my old age. That He will carry me through the aches and pains, and as the apostle Paul said in the book of Corinthians, God's grace is all sufficient. I've read something on one of my devotional books by Marion Stroud which makes so much sense to me: she says that getting older, and having joints that creak and squeak with arthritic pains, with graying hairs, the wrinkling and the sagging, our memories and eyesight that eventually would fail, all these are God's way of making us not long too much for our earthly lives forever but to crave for our heavenly, eternal home. (All italics in the latter sentence are my personal addendum.)

"And even to your old age I am he; and even to hoar hairs will I carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you." -Isaiah 46:4 

"My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." -2 Corinthians 12:9

There's nothing I can do about my failing and blurry eyesight except to get a temporary remedy to help me read better. I may succumb to vanity and get myself some contacts or some chic eyeglasses that goes with my every outfit. But it is my utmost hope that I will not have a permanent blurred vision of what's in store for me for eternity. Jesus promised that He's preparing a place for me where He is at right now. May He grant me a clear vision and a hopeful anticipation for that perfect place. I know that He is expecting for me to take Him on that promise.

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